[Unknown Member]

Hi Desiree. I totally understand what you are going through. My boyfriend and I split up in January. I was diagnosed in May. I actually tried to get back with my ex because I felt like I would never meet anyone new with my diagnosis, and wanted the “familiar”, but would have just been settling as well. We didn’t get back together. I joined a dating site, and have met a few people, but like you said dating is so much different when you have cancer and are going through treatment. I’m going through chemo and have very little hair left. So I feel I have to tell the person up front about the cancer, then about going through treatment, and then about hair loss. Not to mention not having much energy to do things or appetite to go out to dinner. I have alot of female friends, but miss male companionship and just someone to sit on the couch with their arm around me telling me it’s going to be ok…..

[Eric]

I was discussing dating with another friend who is a cancer survivor also. I shared my apprehensions with him, not knowing when I would feel comfortable sharing my condition, my concerns that I would not be wanted, and settling for what may come. He reassured me that this sort of experience is a great filter and that the kind of people that we will meet and accept us will lead to a much more fulfilling relationship. He is happily engaged now to a wonderful woman. Do not despair and leave yourself open to better opportunities.

[Unknown Member]

Hi settling,
I think by asking the question you already know the answer. Never settle… don’t let cancer be the reason you put up with less than you deserve. My husband left me for someone else but I say good riddance what sort of man does that to someone after going through cancer treatment? We need to love ourselves scars and all.

[FlyFishNovice]

Desiree! I am in a couple women’s support groups and it’s not uncommon for relationships to change if the partner can’t handle our treatment, the fear of losing us, not wanting the responsibility, etc.. Those who seem most successful use a support group for their emotional support and date to socialize and have fun (those in my group are stage IV). If your cancer is or isn’t in remission, there is always someone who will love you unconditionally……..and that needs to be you. BACK is not a direction to go. WE go forward!

[Carlin]

Desiree,

I know I’m a bit late to the party, but…your instincts were right, your fiance was trash. Well done for kicking him to the curb. Anybody that says they love you, wants to get married and do the whole “in sickness and in health” thing then emotionally nopes out at the first sign of “sickness” wasn’t worth your time to begin with.

And yeah, dating sucks at the best of times, and scars and missing hair and chemo farts (what, just me?) definitely don’t help that, but you got every woman’s dream right now.

Blonde? You’ve done that. Do it BIGGER.
Brunette? Why not?
Redhead? Bring out your inner Irish!

Or maybe take that shiny dome of yours and rock the Sinead O’Connor. Natalie Portman did it in “V For Vendetta”. Sigourney Weaver did it in “Aliens”. Half the female cast in “Black Panther” were bald, and those were some badass ladies.

Hey, life has handed us all a shite hand on here, but in my experience, you can either let it break you or you can find a way to grab it by balls and twist it into working for you (try mentioning it in your dating profile followed by “no long term relationships”. Trust me, it’s bound to at least get you a few laughs).

Stay strong and look for ways to make your cancer work for YOU.